Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you never un-have a 4some
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
