your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
