I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize