omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
