just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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