Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bring money and cleavage
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
