wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
