Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
