My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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