areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
