How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize