They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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