so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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