This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
