I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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