Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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