actually, I'm a sock model
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
