i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
