after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
