she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
