She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
