READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
