Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
