He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
