Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize