My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
