You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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