she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
