Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
