Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
