Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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