It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
