paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
