All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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