I puked a lego.
Buhtt sex?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
