I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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