I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
