you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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