The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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