Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
