I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
