i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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