and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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