I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
