I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
