call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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