Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
