It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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