i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
