I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
