i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
