Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
