The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
