I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
