can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize