Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize