I just cut my nipple shaving
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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