I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
false alarm. still invincible.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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