ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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