and she was petting her beer can
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
