You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize