when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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