There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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