i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
