just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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