She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
