i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
