so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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