maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
