after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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