I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
