So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
