Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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