i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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