Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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