Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
