11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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