Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
