dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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