We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
