don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
