EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
