Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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