im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
