What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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