Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
last night I used snow as a chaser
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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