GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
