my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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