So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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