After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
