I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
