I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
