do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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